What The Hell Do I Know with Jason Becker

What happens when the faith you were taught to trust becomes the very thing keeping you trapped?

In Episode 105 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, I sit down with Jubilee Dawn, creator and host of the **Healed-Ish** podcast, for an honest and sometimes heartbreaking conversation about religious trauma, spiritual manipulation, purity culture, abusive relationships, and the freedom to question everything you were taught.

Jubilee grew up in evangelical Christianity, attended ministry school connected to Bethel, and eventually married a man she believed God had chosen for her through a prophetic word.

But that marriage became abusive. And the theology she had inherited made leaving feel like disobeying God.

We talk about what happens when forgiveness becomes an obligation, when fear of hell replaces love, and when religious certainty makes it almost impossible to recognize abuse.

We also explore:

• The influence of Bethel and charismatic Christianity   • Purity culture and the shame it creates   • How spiritual authority can enable manipulation   • Why leaving an abusive marriage felt like sin   • The fear of hell and the freedom to question it   • LGBTQ+ inclusion and the harm of exclusionary theology   • Deconstruction without pressure to arrive at someone else's conclusions   • What churches can learn by actually listening to survivors  

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is Jubilee's reminder that healing doesn't have to happen on anyone else's timeline.

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to know exactly what you believe tomorrow. And you certainly don't have to remain somewhere harmful to prove your faithfulness.

Sometimes freedom begins with permission to ask a question.

**CONNECT WITH JUBILEE DAWN**

Instagram: @jublieedawns   Podcast: Healed-Ish

**CONNECT WITH JB**

Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: https://www.vintagewisdom.org

Subscribe to *What the Hell Do I Know with JB* for honest conversations about faith, doubt, deconstruction, grace, and following Jesus beyond the boundaries of institutional religion.

**CONTENT NOTE:** This episode includes discussions of domestic violence, strangulation, childhood abuse, religious trauma, and spiritual manipulation.

#ReligiousTrauma #JubileeDawn #FaithDeconstruction

This conversation was recorded several months before the passing of Jim Bakker on October 5, 2026.

At the time, I had no idea that my conversation with his son, Jay Bakker, would carry this kind of weight when it was released.

We talked about his father. His mother, Tammy Faye. The scandals, the pain, the complicated family relationships, and the kind of grace that doesn't require us to pretend those things never happened.

One moment in particular has stayed with me.

Jay recalled a conversation with his father about discovering a grace so radical that it almost seemed impossible to believe.

His father's response?

"We kind of thought it was too good to be true as well."

In this episode of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jay and I explore what happens when grace becomes bigger than the religious systems we've built around it.

As Jay puts it, "Grace is anarchy."

We talk about growing up in one of America's most recognizable Christian families, the cost of affirming LGBTQ people, religious certainty, deconstruction, biblical interpretation, and what it means to keep following Jesus when so much of what you've inherited no longer makes sense.

And we talk about forgiveness.

Not the kind that erases harm or pretends everything was okay. But the kind that makes room for complicated people, complicated relationships, and the possibility of hope.

With the recent passing of Jim Bakker, I want to be especially mindful that Jay and his family are grieving. This conversation was recorded long before his father's death, and Jay's reflections should be heard in that context.

I'm grateful Jay trusted me with this conversation, and I'm grateful for his willingness to keep asking difficult questions while holding onto grace.

**IN THIS EPISODE:**

• Growing up as the son of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker   • Jay's relationship with his father and their different understandings of faith   • A remarkable conversation between Jay and Jim about grace   • Why Jay says "Grace is anarchy"   • The personal cost of LGBTQ inclusion   • Why defending Christianity isn't always the same as following Jesus   • Faith, doubt, deconstruction, and biblical interpretation   • Forgiveness without denying the past   • What it means to remain a prisoner of hope  

**CONNECT WITH JAY BAKKER**

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaybakker/

Revolution Church: https://revolutionchurch.com

**CONNECT WITH JB**

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/

Website: https://vintagewisdom.org

If you're questioning faith but aren't ready to quit Jesus, this conversation is for you.

Subscribe to What the Hell Do I Know with JB for honest conversations about faith, doubt, grace, church hurt, and finding our way forward.

If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. And if you're an unbeliever, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief.

#JayBakker #JimBakker #RadicalGrace #FaithDeconstruction #WhatTheHellDoIKnow

What happens when following Jesus starts costing you the version of Christianity you were handed?

In Episode 103 of *What the Hell Do I Know?*, I sit down with Jeremy Jernigan, author of *The Edge of the Inside*, for a conversation about deconstruction, church hurt, certainty, Christian nationalism, LGBTQ+ inclusion, and what it actually means to follow the way of Jesus.

Jeremy once had what he describes as his dream job—leading a multi-campus megachurch in Oregon with thousands of people attending each weekend. Then 2020 happened. George Floyd was murdered, the country erupted, and Jeremy felt the church needed to lean into the pain and conversations happening in its community.

He was told, essentially: just preach Jesus.

That moment changed everything.

We talk about what happens when the institution of Christianity and the way of Jesus no longer seem to be pointing in the same direction.

Jeremy says something in this conversation that stopped me:

“Certainty is the idol of the church right now.”

We also get into why deconstruction can feel terrifying, how church systems can become influenced by money and power, creating genuinely safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people, the difference between evangelism and discipleship, and why neither of us believes following Jesus requires having all the answers.

And after everything Jeremy has lost and questioned, I ask him one final question:

Why would anyone still want to follow Jesus?

His answer is worth hearing.

Jeremy Jernigan   Instagram: @jeremy.jernigan   Website: jeremyjernigan.com   Book: *The Edge of the Inside* — available wherever books are sold.

Jason Becker   Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: vintagewisdom.org

🎙️ *What the Hell Do I Know? with JB*   Episode 103

If you’re questioning your faith, rebuilding it, holding onto Jesus, or simply trying to figure out what you believe—you’re welcome here.

#Deconstruction #Jesus #ChurchHurt #FaithAndDoubt #JeremyJernigan #ChristianPodcast #Exvangelical #FollowingJesus

What if deconstruction doesn’t have to mean destroying your faith?

Mattie Mae Motl is a Bible scholar and PhD candidate studying gender, sexuality, and masculinity in the New Testament. Raised Southern Baptist as a pastor’s daughter, Mattie grew up loving Scripture. But the deeper she studied it, the more questions she began to ask.

Today, her faith looks radically different, but she hasn’t walked away from Jesus.

In Episode 102, Mattie and I talk about deconstruction, biblical interpretation, LGBTQ+ inclusion, patriarchy, what Scripture actually is, and whether the church can become a place where people on the margins are not merely tolerated but celebrated.

Mattie says something during our conversation that I absolutely love:

When I ask how she continues holding onto Jesus, she answers, “I think he holds on to me. He won’t let me go.”

We also talk about why she doesn’t see deconstruction as demolition. For her, it looks more like renovating something we inherited and asking what is worth keeping, what needs to change, and what Jesus might actually be inviting us into.

We don’t have to agree on every theological question to stay curious, keep learning, and love people well.

Follow Mattie Mae Motl: Instagram: @mattiemaemotl

Follow me: Instagram: @_jason_becker

WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW WITH JB

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#Deconstruction #ProgressiveChristianity #Faith #Christianity

What happens when a pastor spends nine years trying to hold onto Jesus…and eventually realizes he no longer believes?

Dr. Todd Phillips spent more than two decades as a Christian and pastor, serving in some of the largest evangelical churches in America. But after years of questioning, studying, wrestling and searching for reasons to stay, Todd eventually landed somewhere he never expected: he now describes himself as a “non-resistant nonbeliever.”

And he didn’t get there easily.

In this conversation, Todd and I sit down for an honest discussion about deconstruction, doubt, biblical inerrancy, hell, salvation, suffering, the resurrection, certainty, and what happens when the faith that once gave your entire life meaning begins to unravel.

Todd and I don’t land in the same place. I’m still holding onto Jesus. But I understand the questions he’s asking, because I’m wrestling with plenty of my own.

This isn’t a debate.

It’s two former pastors sitting across from each other, talking honestly about belief, unbelief, and what it costs to question something that once defined your entire life.

We talk about:

• Why Todd spent nine years trying to remain a Christian • The questions that began his deconstruction • Why he believes belief itself isn’t a choice • Biblical inerrancy and learning to think critically about Scripture • Original sin, hell and the problem of suffering • Losing the certainty of heaven • Finding meaning and hope after Christianity • Why deconstruction can feel incredibly isolating • Todd’s new Deacon Recon community • Whether believers and nonbelievers can create safe spaces for honest questions • Why critical thinking matters more than ever

Wherever you are in your faith journey, I hope this conversation gives you permission to ask the questions honestly.

You don’t have to land where Todd landed.

You don’t have to land where I landed.

But I think we should be able to sit across the table from one another and talk about it.

FOLLOW DR. TODD PHILLIPS Decon Recon: Don’t deconstruct alone. https://www.skool.com/deconrecon/about

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@drtoddphillips

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtoddphillips/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Drtoddphillips/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@UCKQtyeCvV8pBONewR_WjKBg 

FOLLOW JB Instagram: @_jason_becker

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#Deconstruction #Faith #Christianity #ExPastor