What The Hell Do I Know with Jason Becker

What happens when the theology you were taught keeps you in a marriage that's destroying you?

For Kendra Koontz, known online as **Kendra Leanne**, the journey toward healing meant questioning some of the very things she had been taught about God.

In Episode 108 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, Kendra shares her deeply personal story of growing up in purity culture, entering an abusive marriage, becoming a single mother, and discovering a kind of grace that changed everything.

She was taught that divorce was never an option. She believed that being a good Christian meant staying, enduring, and somehow making it work.

Until she began asking a different question.

**What if the God she had been taught to fear was actually fighting for her freedom?**

We talk about:

• How purity culture shaped Kendra's sense of worth and identity   • The warning signs of emotional abuse and love bombing   • Why some Christian teachings about divorce can keep women in dangerous relationships   • The remarkable ways her church stepped in to protect and support her   • The challenges of single motherhood and accepting help without shame   • How trauma therapy helped her rediscover her worth   • Deconstructing religious teachings without abandoning Jesus   • Why grace, protection, and restoration matter more than rigid religious formulas

One of the most beautiful parts of this conversation is that Kendra's church actually got it right. They believed her, helped her find legal representation, provided practical assistance, and connected her with professional trauma counseling.

That's what the church can look like when it chooses compassion over control.

And Kendra's story doesn't end with divorce. It continues through healing, a restored family, and a deeper understanding of the Jesus she never stopped loving.

**If you've ever questioned what you were taught about God, felt trapped by religious expectations, or wondered whether your faith could survive being rebuilt, this conversation is for you.**

If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're not a believer, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief.

**CONNECT WITH US**

Guest: Kendra Leanne   Instagram: @kendraleeanne

Host: Jason Becker   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/   Website: https://vintagewisdom.org

Podcast: What the Hell Do I Know with JB   Available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Subscribe for honest conversations about faith, doubt, grace, church hurt, and rediscovering Jesus beyond the religious systems we've inherited.

**CONTENT NOTE:** This episode includes discussion of domestic abuse, sexual assault, mental health struggles, and suicide.

If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic abuse in the United States, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

#KendraLeanne #FaithDeconstruction #ChurchHurt #WhatTheHellDoIKnow

What happens when following Jesus puts you at odds with the Christianity around you?

In Episode 107 of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, I sit down with Adam Bowles, a pastor from Connecticut, former journalist, and founder of Castle Church in Norwich, Connecticut.

Adam grew up in a high control religious environment where spiritual abuse, fear, and condemnation were often confused with faith. Yet somehow, in the middle of all that, he found Jesus.

As Adam puts it, “I was baptized in dirty water.”

Today, Adam is speaking out about Christian nationalism, the treatment of immigrants, the silence of the American church, and what happens when political power becomes more important than the teachings of Jesus.

But this conversation isn't just about what's wrong with Christianity. It's about what might be possible when we rediscover grace, humility, compassion, and a faith big enough to welcome difficult questions.

We talk about:

• Growing up in spiritually abusive Christianity

• Why Adam believes the church has a crisis of humility

• How Christian nationalism distorts the message of Jesus

• Why defending immigrants and vulnerable people isn't simply politics

• Deconstruction, reconstruction, and the freedom to question inherited theology

• Finding Jesus in places the church told us not to look

• Why walking away from harmful religion doesn't necessarily mean walking away from Jesus

• What to do when you're questioning your faith but don't know where to turn

One of my favorite moments comes when Adam says he'd rather find God in the wilderness than sit with the devil in a pew.

That's a challenging statement. And it's one worth sitting with.

Adam is a humble, thoughtful, compassionate brother whose work reminds me why I still hold on to Jesus.

If you've been hurt by the church, if you're questioning what you inherited, or if you're struggling to reconcile the Jesus of the Gospels with the Christianity you see around you, I hope this conversation encourages you.

You are not alone in asking questions.

And maybe your faith isn't falling apart.

Maybe it's stretching.

CONNECT WITH ADAM BOWLES

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adambowles/

Castle Church: https://castle.church

CONNECT WITH JB

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/

Website: https://vintagewisdom.org

Subscribe for conversations about faith, doubt, grace, deconstruction, and rediscovering Jesus.

If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're not a believer, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief.

WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW WITH JB

Episode 107 | Adam Bowles

#AdamBowles #ChristianNationalism #FaithDeconstruction

What happens when following Jesus starts feeling more like a performance than a relationship?

In Episode 106 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, I sit down with Monica Ritchie, author of *Fashioned by Faith*, to talk about spiritual formation, deconstruction, doubt, and the freedom to pursue Jesus without pretending we have everything figured out.

For many of us, Christianity was handed down as a checklist. Pray more. Read more. Believe the right things. Don't ask too many questions.

But what if becoming more like Jesus isn't about checking the right boxes?

Monica and I explore what it means to move beyond performative Christianity and discover spiritual practices that actually shape how we live, love, and see others.

We talk about:

• Why God isn't surprised by our doubts, questions, or humanity   • Deconstructing harmful expectations without abandoning Jesus   • The difference between performing faith and embodying it   • How to read difficult passages of Scripture with humility   • Spiritual disciplines that create space for grace instead of guilt   • Why every person deserves dignity as someone made in God's image   • How to recognize God's goodness without denying real suffering   • Why calling out harmful church practices can be an act of love  

One of my favorite reminders from this conversation is that we don't have to agree on every theological question to treat one another with dignity, kindness, and respect.

If you're questioning the faith you inherited, struggling with religious expectations, or simply trying to become more like Jesus, I hope this conversation encourages you.

📖 **Monica's book: Fashioned by Faith**   Find Monica's book wherever books are sold.

🎙️ **What the Hell Do I Know with JB**   New conversations every Tuesday.

Subscribe for honest conversations about faith, doubt, deconstruction, grace, and what it means to follow Jesus in a complicated world.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/   YouTube: @whatthehelldoiknowjb   Website: https://www.vintagewisdom.org/

If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're an unbeliever, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief.

#FaithDeconstruction #MonicaRitchie #ChristianPodcast

What happens when the faith you were taught to trust becomes the very thing keeping you trapped?

In Episode 105 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, I sit down with Jubilee Dawn, creator and host of the **Healed-Ish** podcast, for an honest and sometimes heartbreaking conversation about religious trauma, spiritual manipulation, purity culture, abusive relationships, and the freedom to question everything you were taught.

Jubilee grew up in evangelical Christianity, attended ministry school connected to Bethel, and eventually married a man she believed God had chosen for her through a prophetic word.

But that marriage became abusive. And the theology she had inherited made leaving feel like disobeying God.

We talk about what happens when forgiveness becomes an obligation, when fear of hell replaces love, and when religious certainty makes it almost impossible to recognize abuse.

We also explore:

• The influence of Bethel and charismatic Christianity   • Purity culture and the shame it creates   • How spiritual authority can enable manipulation   • Why leaving an abusive marriage felt like sin   • The fear of hell and the freedom to question it   • LGBTQ+ inclusion and the harm of exclusionary theology   • Deconstruction without pressure to arrive at someone else's conclusions   • What churches can learn by actually listening to survivors  

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is Jubilee's reminder that healing doesn't have to happen on anyone else's timeline.

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to know exactly what you believe tomorrow. And you certainly don't have to remain somewhere harmful to prove your faithfulness.

Sometimes freedom begins with permission to ask a question.

**CONNECT WITH JUBILEE DAWN**

Instagram: @jublieedawns   Podcast: Healed-Ish

**CONNECT WITH JB**

Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: https://www.vintagewisdom.org

Subscribe to *What the Hell Do I Know with JB* for honest conversations about faith, doubt, deconstruction, grace, and following Jesus beyond the boundaries of institutional religion.

**CONTENT NOTE:** This episode includes discussions of domestic violence, strangulation, childhood abuse, religious trauma, and spiritual manipulation.

#ReligiousTrauma #JubileeDawn #FaithDeconstruction

This conversation was recorded several months before the passing of Jim Bakker on October 5, 2026.

At the time, I had no idea that my conversation with his son, Jay Bakker, would carry this kind of weight when it was released.

We talked about his father. His mother, Tammy Faye. The scandals, the pain, the complicated family relationships, and the kind of grace that doesn't require us to pretend those things never happened.

One moment in particular has stayed with me.

Jay recalled a conversation with his father about discovering a grace so radical that it almost seemed impossible to believe.

His father's response?

"We kind of thought it was too good to be true as well."

In this episode of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jay and I explore what happens when grace becomes bigger than the religious systems we've built around it.

As Jay puts it, "Grace is anarchy."

We talk about growing up in one of America's most recognizable Christian families, the cost of affirming LGBTQ people, religious certainty, deconstruction, biblical interpretation, and what it means to keep following Jesus when so much of what you've inherited no longer makes sense.

And we talk about forgiveness.

Not the kind that erases harm or pretends everything was okay. But the kind that makes room for complicated people, complicated relationships, and the possibility of hope.

With the recent passing of Jim Bakker, I want to be especially mindful that Jay and his family are grieving. This conversation was recorded long before his father's death, and Jay's reflections should be heard in that context.

I'm grateful Jay trusted me with this conversation, and I'm grateful for his willingness to keep asking difficult questions while holding onto grace.

**IN THIS EPISODE:**

• Growing up as the son of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker   • Jay's relationship with his father and their different understandings of faith   • A remarkable conversation between Jay and Jim about grace   • Why Jay says "Grace is anarchy"   • The personal cost of LGBTQ inclusion   • Why defending Christianity isn't always the same as following Jesus   • Faith, doubt, deconstruction, and biblical interpretation   • Forgiveness without denying the past   • What it means to remain a prisoner of hope  

**CONNECT WITH JAY BAKKER**

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaybakker/

Revolution Church: https://revolutionchurch.com

**CONNECT WITH JB**

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/

Website: https://vintagewisdom.org

If you're questioning faith but aren't ready to quit Jesus, this conversation is for you.

Subscribe to What the Hell Do I Know with JB for honest conversations about faith, doubt, grace, church hurt, and finding our way forward.

If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. And if you're an unbeliever, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief.

#JayBakker #JimBakker #RadicalGrace #FaithDeconstruction #WhatTheHellDoIKnow