Raising Girls: Efrem Martin’s Story Of Love And Dedication

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This week on the Dads with Daughters podcast we had the pleasure of sitting down with Efrem Martin a dedicated father of four daughters and a passionate advocate for intentional fatherhood In this engaging discussion Efrem shared his personal journey the unique challenges he faced and his inspiration behind writing his book Daddy s Girl s A Father s How-to in Building Lifelong Relationships with our Daughter s and starting the Girl Dad YouTube channel Here are some profound insights from their conversation The Beginning of Efrem Martin s Fatherhood Journey One of the key moments in Efrem s life was discovering that he would become a father to a daughter for the first time Reflecting on that time Efrem admitted to feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement As a young man of 23 and a Marine transitioning into civilian life he was embarking on a monumental chapter in his life Despite some initial fears Efrem expressed a unique perspective he always wanted daughters because he believed they would make him a better man He credited his upbringing particularly being raised by a nurturing mother in a single-parent household after the tragic loss of his father with preparing him for this role He drew strength and inspiration from his mother s unwavering support and the exemplary male figures his uncles cousins and coaches who stepped in to mentor him Overcoming Adversity and Becoming a Role Model Efrem s father was murdered when Efrem was only two years old fundamentally shaping his upbringing Though he grew up without a father Efrem found guidance in other male role models like his coaches who treated him like their own son These experiences instilled in him the importance of having strong positive male influences and reinforced his commitment to being an involved and supportive dad Having worked for 20 years in the criminal justice system and 10 years in K-12 education Efrem witnessed firsthand the detrimental effects of the criminal justice system on children and families This professional backdrop fueled his determination to ensure his daughters stayed out of the system and thrived in a safe nurturing environment Efrem Martin s Philosophy Raising Free Thinkers Efrem s approach to fatherhood extends beyond mere presence it is about fostering independence and critical thinking in his daughters He emphasized the importance of raising his girls to be free thinkers rather than focusing solely on independence By encouraging them to challenge the world around them and question everything Efrem prepared his daughters to navigate life with self-awareness and confidence This philosophy is encapsulated in his self-published book Daddy s Girls where he outlines the stages of development from birth to adulthood Additionally his Grow Dat YouTube channel serves as a platform to further elaborate on these concepts providing fathers with data-driven insights visual aids and practical guidance on raising daughters The Grow Dat YouTube Channel Fostering a Community of Learning Launched in July 2023 Efrem s Grow Dat YouTube channel is a treasure trove of wisdom and support for fathers With over 55 livestreams covering diverse topics Efrem draws from his extensive experience and professional background to offer valuable content His goal is not to amass a large following but to attract the right audience fathers genuinely seeking to improve their parenting skills Unlike other platforms Efrem s channel delves into deeper more complex issues of fatherhood leveraging his knowledge in criminal justice and education to provide context and solutions His dedication to building this community organically reflects his commitment to authenticity and meaningful engagement Looking Ahead A Vision for Greater Engagement Efrem has ambitious plans for the future of Grow Dat Starting in 2025 he aims to transform the channel into a more interactive space featuring one-on-one engagements with fathers He believes that real-time conversations and shared experiences can enrich the learning process for everyone involved By fostering a supportive network of dads Efrem hopes to create a space where fathers can share their struggles triumphs and insights in raising daughters Conclusion Consistency as the Cornerstone Towards the end of the podcast Efrem shared his core advice for fathers be consistent Consistency he believes is the foundation of effective parenting It provides daughters with a sense of security allowing them to grow into confident independent and thoughtful individuals Efrem Martin s journey and insights remind us that fatherhood is a profound and ongoing adventure Through his book his YouTube channel and his unwavering dedication Efrem continues to inspire fathers to embrace their roles with commitment compassion and a desire for continuous growth For more about Efrem Martin his book Daddy s Girls and the Grow Dat YouTube channel visit his channels and social media as outlined in the podcast episode Remember as fathers we have the power to shape the next generation one loving consistent day at a time TRANSCRIPT Unedited transcript created with CASTMAGIC Dr Christopher Lewis 00 00 05 Welcome to dads with daughters In this show we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be Dr Christopher Lewis 00 00 16 Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to help you be active participants in your daughters lives raising them to be strong independent women Really excited to have you back again this week As always every week I love being able to be on this journey with you an opportunity to be able to talk every week and be able to work through what it means to be a dad to a daughter And the biggest thing that I keep telling you over and over again is that being a father to a daughter is not always going to be the easiest but you don t have to do this alone And that s the thing that is most important is that you show up every week You show up not only for your daughters but show up for this And you and you can hear from other dads other people that have resources and things that you can do day in day out to be that engaged dad that you wanna be That s why this podcast exists Dr Christopher Lewis 00 01 09 It exists to help you to be able to be the dad you wanna be and help you raise those strong independent women that you want your daughters to be This week we got another great guest with us today Efrem Martin is with us today and Efrem is a father of 4 girls and owner of the Girl Dad YouTube Channel And we re going to talk about his own journey in being a dad but also some things that he s doing to be able to help dads just like you to be those girl dads that they want to be as well So I m really excited to have him with us today Efrem thanks so much for being here today Efrem Martin 00 01 41 Thank you for having me sir Appreciate you Appreciate you Dr Christopher Lewis 00 01 44 Well I really appreciate you being here today And the first and and and first and foremost one of the things that I love doing is turning the clock back in time I wanna go all the way back I know your oldest is 36 so I wanna go all the way back It might be 36 years might be 35 years but we re gonna go all the way back to that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter What was going through your head Efrem Martin 00 02 05 It was crazy Nervous excited just all the above And baby girls they change your world They change your life So it was I was young 23 So very excited though Very excited Dr Christopher Lewis 00 02 17 Now I talk to a lot of dads and a lot of dads step into fatherhood and they re a little scared Not only being scared of being a father but when you put on that extra layer of being a father to a daughter there s some additional fear What would you say was your biggest fear in raising daughters Efrem Martin 00 02 35 I think for me just getting out of the marine corps I was you know I was in the United States Marine Corps and transitioning out and just being young just getting my life in order just planning and trying to understand exactly the direction I was gonna go getting into school making sure I got my bachelor s degree and just planning out my life more than anything else So that in itself was nervous for me but I knew I was gonna be a good dad I wasn t so much worried about that It was just it was exciting more than anything else And just looking forward to the challenge because I actually if you believe me or not I actually wanted daughters because I knew that they would make me a better man Dr Christopher Lewis 00 03 16 So when you say that you knew that being a father to a daughter would make you a better man talk to me about that What was it about being a father to a daughter that made you feel that way Efrem Martin 00 03 27 Being raised I came from a single parent household because my father was murdered when I was 2 Okay So being raised without a father myself and having this incredible mother My mother was the most nurturing incredible woman So getting everything from her she couldn t teach me how to be a man but she was just such a nurturer and she was very attentive So I got a lot of great qualities from her And like I said I didn t have my my father but I always had my uncles I had my first cousins I had my brothers So I always had good men in my life Efrem Martin 00 04 00 I ve never been taken advantage of as I was never taken advantage of as a child as a kid and my community embraced me as a as a child So I always had good men in my life And all the men in my life even though I didn t have a father they were all married So they had their own children And that was my experience I wasn t exposed to a lot of single parents in my life So not having a father I didn t really know what to expect because I didn t have a man to guide me but I knew that I had it in me to be this good father to a baby girl And like I said having my mother I ve been around my aunts my whole life my sisters Efrem Martin 00 04 37 I I m the youngest of of of 5 So being the baby my sisters will tell you I got over but I don t think so I just think I was smarter because my mom was tired by the time she got to me But I was a good kid so I never gave my mom any any problems I was an athlete my entire life And so I don t think you re ever ready but coming out of the marine corps I had a lot more focus I was very well disciplined and I wasn t really really concerned I was I was looking forward to the journey more than anything else Dr Christopher Lewis 00 05 05 So talk to me about the fact that you just mentioned with your father getting murdered at such an young age for you and not having a father in that way in your life You had other male role models other people in your life How did that impact you as you grew up and moved into fatherhood to be able to be the dad that you wanted to be even though you didn t have that father figure per se in your life Efrem Martin 00 05 32 Okay So for me because I was an athlete I played sports year round So all my coaches they were married and they had their own children So I had good men in my life that I was able to watch how they interacted with their children And that was major for me It was it impacted my life because I was just one of very few boys that didn t have a father Everyone else around me had their dads People ask me do you think you lost out on anything Absolutely Efrem Martin 00 05 58 I think I lost out on a lot but I never focused on that because I was so busy And like I said the men that I had access to a Latino man in my life a white man in my life and I had these men in my life I didn t have a lot of well the black men I had in my life they were my uncles I grew up in a community back in the seventies It was the Chicano community so they were all Latin men Latinos So all my coaches they were either Latino or white men but they were good men So as a kid that s what I focused on and they were just good to me And they treated me like their own Efrem Martin 00 06 31 So I think what I came to understand as I got older was that you need good men in your life And as long as you have good men in your life you re pretty much capable of everything Dr Christopher Lewis 00 06 42 Now raising kids is not always easy There are definite positive times and hard times as well As you look back at the years of raising your daughters into the women that they ve become today what was the hardest part in being a father to a daughter Efrem Martin 00 06 59 You know I have a totally different skill set because I worked in the criminal justice system for 20 years and then I worked in k 12 education for 10 years So I worked with children for 30 years So my difficulty was making sure that they didn t end up in the criminal justice system and I had examples on what not to do So I was able to maneuver a lot differently I didn t have a lot of the challenges I believe that a lot of fathers were going to experience because being a state juvenile probation officer and working with these these children that were adjudicated and just seeing families get messed over by the criminal justice system I just knew this was not gonna be my children So I learned early in my career that I have to have hope and I have to believe that if something was to happen to me that there s going to be good adults out there that would step in and make sure that my daughters were taken care of like I was taking care of these children So I wasn t really I just had a different sense of urgency and the criminal justice system just it s not good for kids So that kept me that kept me focused because what I was dealing with every day as a state juvenile probation officer and just seeing how kids got messed over not my daughters Efrem Martin 00 08 14 There s no way And I wasn t going to invite the government into my life I was not ever going to allow the government to have a say in the rearing of my children because when you do that the more the government gets involved the more say they have the more adults that are involved Your voice isn t heard as a parent So my YouTube channel Grow Dat YouTube channel what I do is with my live streams and my videos is is I go a lot deeper and I m able to explain I believe all the stages of development My book Daddy s Girls I cover 3 stages of development birth to 10 years of age 11 to 13 and 14 to 18 And I explain in my book the sense of urgency that fathers need to have in order to build long term sustainable relationships with their daughters with their baby girls So this is my way of giving back Efrem Martin 00 09 04 All my daughters are adults They re out of the house and I just wanna see all fathers do well with their children regardless of their ethnic group background and or culture So this is why I decided to launch my YouTube channel Dr Christopher Lewis 00 09 19 So let s talk about what you are creating what you have created the book that you ve put out there As an author myself I know there s a lot of passion that has to go into being able to get through the writing of a book And you mentioned the self published book that you put out there Daddy s Girls that s now available on Amazon that that you ve written Talk to me about the inception of that and what made you decide that you wanted to put the time the effort the passion into writing it but also trying to get it out into the world for others to read and to learn from and grow from Efrem Martin 00 09 50 So I already knew when when my youngest daughter Cheyenne got to high school in 2014 it was just her I had her and my daughter Zuri They were the last 2 And Zuri was gonna be graduating in 2016 Cheyenne was going to be graduating in 2018 I decided in 2014 once Cheyenne graduates I was going to write my book I wanted to get them through all the stages so I could have a little bit more substance in my explanation Having the background that I have working in the criminal justice system in K-twelve education I was a teacher restorative justice coordinator and dean of students So having the background of working on the back end of the criminal justice system and the front end of k 12 education I just believe I could I would be able to explain to fathers what s coming Efrem Martin 00 10 35 I don t tell fathers how to raise their children their baby girls What I explain to fathers is this is what s coming And I believe that I could lay a framework of understanding so they have a better understanding of what s coming with their daughters Daughters are very very complex as you know You have a daughter You have daughters Daughters are very complex because they re going to have emotional highs and emotional lows And understanding the different stages of development I wish I had somebody like me when I was raising my daughters because it would have helped explain a lot of different things Efrem Martin 00 11 08 YouTube was it came to the forefront around 2 005 So by 2010 my girls were pretty much they were not grown girls but they were well on their way The book itself is very complimentary of my YouTube channel of my live streams and my videos And like I said I just believe that I m able to go a lot deeper There are other YouTube channels that are out there that are that are dealing with fathers of daughters Most of them are normally dealing with daughters under 10 years of age and they re amazing I get to go a lot deeper I believe because of my professional experience as well as my experience as a father and living it every day And all my girls are grown and they re amazing women Efrem Martin 00 11 55 So I m able to explain I believe a lot of things for fathers and save them a lot of steps And I just look forward to the engagement because I m very interested where fathers are at at the different stages and how I can help them Dr Christopher Lewis 00 12 07 So you went from having this book to as you were talking about creating this YouTube page to again try to get some of your messaging out What kind of response have you been getting to not only the book but the YouTube channel and trying to and what are you trying to mostly share and what are you hoping that people are gonna take away from reading the book or watching your videos that you re putting out into the world Efrem Martin 00 12 29 Well I m big on engagement and the purpose of my YouTube channel is to get engagement because I know fathers are busy I believe that my engagement has been well I the book is doing well and the YouTube channel I m building it organically Now I could go a whole different direction with my YouTube channel and have 10 000 subscribers or 20 000 subscribers I m not interested in having a lot of subscribers I m interested in having the right subscribers And YouTube is very YouTube I m learning a lot from YouTube It s very interesting the dynamics of YouTube the space of YouTube Efrem Martin 00 13 05 So I m learning a lot from YouTube And my overall goal like I said is to help fathers understand our sense of urgency So I believe the engagement has been amazing I don t get a lot of comments because I think fathers there s a lot of fathers I just think they re nervous And we re men Right And a lot of men we re just not sure And so this great content I m putting out it s in the hands of fathers Efrem Martin 00 13 28 I m going to eventually get my audience It s coming And I just I m ready To date I ve done 55 livestreams since July of 2023 so I m I m consistent And in 2025 I m gonna change things up a little bit I wanna have more of an engagement type channel So it s going in stages but I m happy that I m able to do a livestream every week use data statistics use visual aids videos and share So the fathers that come across my YouTube channel I can help them and they ll eventually we re we re gonna eventually connect Efrem Martin 00 14 02 Right now I have about 802 subscribers So like I said building organically I won t do it any other way Oh so as a author self published I self published my book in February of 2020 and then the pandemic happened in March So for 2 years there wasn t anything I could do And I I really even though my book was out there I really just wanted to take this opportunity and just wait until the pandemic was over because the pandemic just it changed the world And although my book was brand new I didn t really wanna bother fathers because the world was just dealing with too much So I figured you know what Let me wait Efrem Martin 00 14 43 It took a couple years so I figured hey July of 2023 let me start this YouTube channel My book s already self published It s out there It s time So I was excited about that Dr Christopher Lewis 00 14 53 So you said that you re changing things up in 2025 and or 2024 2025 Talk to me about what s next What s changing You know where are you going from here Efrem Martin 00 15 04 So when you look at my videos now what I typically do is I give commentary on my experience and I connect videos with the topics I have 55 livestreams 55 different topics which is very difficult to do very difficult to do So I rely a lot on my experience as a as a state juvenile probation officer and working in k twelve education That s where I draw a lot of my topics as far as being able to go deeper And visual aids I know fathers they have a lot of questions They have a lot of concerns But I believe that the visual aids will help them And YouTube has everything Efrem Martin 00 15 40 If you can t find it on YouTube you can t find it So that s where I m currently at And and what I wanna transition into in 2025 is having more of a 1 on 1 like you and I are having right now That s what I m interested in I want more engagement from from different fathers I I wanna I wanna hear their feedback I wanna I wanna hear their how they re thinking how they re feeling Because there s a lot of fathers out there that have a lot of great ideas and and I think that they could bring a lot to the table as as far as their own personal experiences of of fathers because we re all at different stages in our lives Efrem Martin 00 16 11 Like I said all my daughters are adults so I no longer have them at home So I m at a totally different stage and I just believe that that type of engagement on screen I just think that it it it ll take it to a whole different level And that s what I m excited about that But like I said I ve been building my capacity and I think I m doing well Dr Christopher Lewis 00 16 29 Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5 where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad Are you ready Sure Absolutely In one word what is fatherhood Consistency When was the time that you felt like you finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter Efrem Martin 00 16 44 Once they all graduated from high school Dr Christopher Lewis 00 16 46 Now if I were to talk to your girls how would they describe you as a dad Efrem Martin 00 16 50 My girls what how would they describe me Totally laid back They ll tell you I m the best father in the world Great listener consistent understanding passionate attentive just a great human being Dr Christopher Lewis 00 17 02 Now who inspires you to be a better dad Efrem Martin 00 17 04 My inspiration comes from other fathers actually and just seeing how they re doing things with their baby girls Because like I said my experience is my experience So I m always looking at other fathers and how how they re moving and how they re maneuvering in the world and getting it done That that excites me because it I m gen x Right So millennials and and Gen z they do things totally different So that excites me I m interested in that Dr Christopher Lewis 00 17 29 Now you ve given a number of pieces of advice today You ve talked about some of the experiences that you had in raising your daughters As you think about all dads that are out there and as we finish up today what s one piece of advice you d wanna give to every dad Efrem Martin 00 17 43 One piece of advice I would give to fathers this is my first statement that you ask me consistency As long as you re consistent your baby girls are gonna be fine It s the consistency that I believe that allows us to provide that protection and safety and allows our daughters to grow When we talk about the independence of our daughters I didn t raise my daughters to be independent I raised my daughters to be free thinkers And the reason I did that was because I wanted them to challenge the world and have an open enough mind to be able to question everything So I took a different path I raised them to be free thinkers Efrem Martin 00 18 20 They are definitely free thinkers just like their father which I believe allows them to embrace all of humanity Dr Christopher Lewis 00 18 26 Now if people want to find out more about you your book your where s the best place for them to go to be able to find out more Efrem Martin 00 18 33 Definitely You can find my YouTube channel at Girl Dad YouTube channel It s on YouTube I m also on rubo rumbo com martineframb that s myrumbo com My book is available at amazon com You can get that directly through Amazon dotcom Also it s available through my YouTube channel It s always in it s in the description on of each of my live streams and my videos Efrem Martin 00 19 00 So that s the best way to get a hold of me I m on Facebook I m on TikTok I m on Instagram I m on Twitter So I use technology to my advantage I ve always been on the forefront of technology I love technology Efrem Martin 00 19 14 I love young people and and seeing how they move with technology So I m on the forefront of technology So that s how you can find me But my YouTube channel I m very proud of it Grow Dad YouTube channel Dr Christopher Lewis 00 19 27 Well I just wanna say thank you so much for being here today for sharing your story for work that you re doing to help other dads and I truly wish you all the best Efrem Martin 00 19 36 No I appreciate you And eventually I m going to bring you on to my YouTube channel because I think it would be good And like I said I appreciate connecting with you So thank you for your time sir Appreciate you Dr Christopher Lewis 00 19 50 If you ve enjoyed today s episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood Through our extensive course library interactive forum step by step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly dads like you So check it out at fathering together dot org If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community there s a link in the notes today Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be Dr Christopher Lewis 00 20 48 We re all in the same boat And it s full of tiny screaming passengers We spend the time We give the lessons We make the meals We buy them presents and bring your a game Because those kids are growing fast The time goes by just like a dynamite blast Blast calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and musclemen Get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be Click here to visit this podcast episode

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