Navigating Dad-Daughter Dynamics: Stories From The Ash-Shakoor Family

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Today s Dads with Daughters podcast featured some amazing guests actor pastor and father Aqeel Ash-Shakoor and his daughter Jaylah Ash-Shakoor The discussions revolved around their experiences highlighting the integral role of fathers in daughter s lives and providing valuable lessons for dads everywhere A Father s Protective Instinct and Balancing Parenthood with a Career When Aqeel learned he was about to become a father to a daughter he felt a profound sense of responsibility and protectiveness He reflected on his initial desire to have a daughter and shared the powerful moment of witnessing her birth Aqeel also discussed the concerns fathers often face particularly when it comes to protecting their daughters in a world that can sometimes be unkind Balancing a busy career with involved fatherhood Aqeel emphasizes the importance of prioritization with a three-rule mantra God family handle your business The Importance of Father-Daughter Relationships Jaylah spoke candidly about the evolution of her appreciation for her father s protective nature As she transitioned into adulthood she understood the value of having a supportive dad and recognized the unique challenges that come with the territory Aqeel and Jaylah mutually stressed the significance of a father s presence and guidance in shaping a daughter s sense of self and decision-making abilities Communication and Trust – Key Pillars of Parenthood A crucial topic discussed in the podcast revolves around the essence of communication in building strong father-daughter relationships Aqeel and Jaylah highlighted the need for clear dialogue understanding and a foundation of trust They emphasized that parents must believe in their children s capabilities and support them in carving their own paths even when they diverge from expectations Building Confidence and Resilience Aqeel shared an affectionate account of fostering confidence in Jaylah He recounted his efforts to instill resilience by encouraging her to embrace challenges including navigating self-doubt at her new school This mirrors in Jaylah s own aspirations for impact and influence in her endeavors as an influencer and entrepreneur The Ash-Shakoor Legacy of Individualism and Success Aqeel s humble beginnings and his vow at nine years old to achieve success laid a foundation for his parenting approach focused on teaching his children to believe in themselves without excuses Jaylah spoke of her father s imprint on her ambition the value of taking charge and owning the room attributing her confidence to the freedom her parents granted her In conclusion this episode serves as a powerful testament to the deep bonds challenges and triumphs within father-daughter relationships It s an encouragement for dads to embrace their unique journey with their daughters supporting them to reach their full potential and leaving a legacy of love respect and understanding TRANSCRIPT Dr Christopher Lewis 00 00 05 Welcome to Dads With Daughters In this show we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be Dr Christopher Lewis 00 00 16 Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters lives raising them to be strong independent women Really excited to have you back again this week Every week I love being able to sit down and talk to you about the journey that you are on with your daughters Doug It is a exciting time It is a important time and it is so important for you to be actively engaged in your daughter s lives And being willing to learn along with her and going on this journey along with her as well Every week I also love being able to have different people different people to share their experiences Dr Christopher Lewis 00 00 56 We ve had dads on the show We ve had moms on the show We ve had Other people with tons of resources that are sharing those resources with you And there are special moments when I have an opportunity to be able to have a Father and a daughter on the show and that s today what we re going to be doing Today I ve got 2 great guests with us Reverend Dr Aqeel Ash-Shakoor is with us today and his daughter Jaylah is with us as well And I m really excited to have them here today to talk about Their journey as father and daughter and to learn more from them Aqeel Jaylah thanks so much for being here today Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 01 35 Thank you much Thank you Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 01 36 No problem Thank you Dr Christopher Lewis 00 01 38 Well I really appreciate you both being here And I guess first and foremost I wanna turn the clock back in time Aqeel I want to have you go back I wanna go all the way back I wanna go back to that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father To a daughter What was going through your head Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 01 55 Wow Amazing That is a trip down memory lane I will say that So the journey goes like this My first son which is the oldest his name is Jabriel And so when I was in the marine corps serving active duty the One of my gunnery sergeants had a little daughter and I was just so marveled that she was like 2 years old Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 02 15 But she was so affluent and her Noah Was just incredible She can carry on the conversation I just was like from there so I kept asking him like what are you guys doing He just said he just told me that lesson Just don t talk baby talk to them when they get older So I had that in mind but at the same time our 1st child was a son And let me tell you something Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 02 34 I think I forgot all about no That I wanted a girl first So here we are We re living in Hollywood Florida And I tell you we came home and I realized that wow No It s finally happening We ve had we re here to have a girl It was like wow Based off of my mother my mother had boy girl Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 02 53 Which I have been the oldest and my sister was the youngest And so I definitely wanted to complete that at least have a girl and a boy in this lifetime And now here it was We re about to bring this little thing right here that we call Jaylah into the world and it was just Nuts So amazing I can still see standing in the delivery room now and even our oldest son was standing at the foot of the bed too No He was witnessing her coming into the world as well and that is just I m doing a poor job being able to put it into words because I can never find the words for that Dr Christopher Lewis 00 03 27 Now I hear from a lot of fathers that especially with daughters that there are times where the There is fear There s fear in raising daughters and I hear that a lot from a lot of dads And I guess for you what was or is your biggest fear In raising a daughter Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 03 44 Okay We already get to the beat of this thing already Yes So my daughter and my wife contend that It is the same raising girls as it is boys and I contend that it s not There s a lot of protectiveness And no fault of her own but I just I have always just felt like you know that hedge of protection If I can t be there no I m always worried even when she was away in college From walking through the house at 2 o clock in the morning and I think about it she gets a call at 2 AM in the morning Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 04 20 And still sometimes now And she may say daddy what in the world is going on I said oh nothing I m good now I just needed to hear your voice But you just always wonder about something happening And I and maybe we shouldn t think that way but You re just always wondering With the boys I feel like the boys can handle themselves but you know the daughter the the daughter is everything She you know you think of her being left unprotected with no covering Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 04 49 And You know and I gotta tell the truth here And you know Chris when we think about who we were as little boys we understand why we were about our little girls So Definitely Dr Christopher Lewis 00 05 02 And Jaylah how does that make you feel Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 05 04 Well you know what Honestly if you had been asking me this question probably about about 4 years ago I d probably laugh and just think it was a joke But in all seriousness I think now having grown into Domino s A woman I do think that it s it s very interesting because it s true to it You know And I think the older you get the As a young lady you start to see the world more You see men like that You know You see me and dad s age You actually you work with some of the men on dad s age and just in that male group and you start to pick up on how men think How they speak how they view themselves and how they view others and women as well It it does as a woman I feel like When you get older it does make you be a little bit more grateful for that And I ve had the Different friends and associates and different groups who grew up without fathers and dads or or what have you And it s very interesting the To hear the difference in the response to that question So when you re younger you always think oh oh sure You know if I didn t have my dad my dad s just controlling me But now looking back it s like wow You know If you know fathers need their daughters and daughters honestly need their fathers Yeah Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 06 26 They really really really do Dr Christopher Lewis 00 06 27 Now Aqeel 1 question that I have to throw out your way is that you re a busy guy Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 06 33 Yes sir Dr Christopher Lewis 00 06 34 And you and I were joking about this before we started today but you dip your toe in a lot of different water And you ve done a lot of different things in your career And I guess first and foremost I wanna what I wanna get into here is the Being as busy as you are there s a balance that has to happen that you have to have in your life the To be able to be that dad that you wanna be Talk to me about that road that you had to walk for you to be able to Balance the things that you had going outside of the house outside of the family unit and how you balance that with What you wanted to be as a person inside the family unit Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 07 17 It s easy now that I m already doing it and I know the pattern that I set with the children And I have what we call a three rule priority and that three rule priority keeps me well balanced And it goes god the Family handle your business God family handle your business God family handle your business I am a no nonsense guy when it comes to my family is everything with me And I teach them all the same You can do everything in the world And I hope I m not jumping a gun here but they were all raised Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 07 54 Can t is not in the vocabulary The I m trying is not in the vocabulary You re either doing it or you re not and you can do I m a father that Not just saying cliche is that you can do whatever you wanna do I m a realist by saying no You can do it if you want to do it That s just it Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 08 14 But god family handle your business We don t compromise that at any point in life No And so whether if I get a call and I m on the road it s god family handle your business That s how it goes And it s really as simple as that And I I even when I Council people I talked to him about the same thing and amazingly it works Dr Christopher Lewis 00 08 33 And Jaylah I guess as you hear that and the You know you think back to being raised in a family that is instilling that in you Talk to me about what that was like for you as a the Young girl moving into womanhood becoming a woman now reflecting back on what you have been taught and how that s helped you or hindered you either way the In helping you to become who you are today Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 08 56 So actually I do love that question because it is twofold So based the what my dad was explaining is we have always in our household even with the boys made it about god God is the center of everything He s the head of everything So the 1st father of the family is always gonna be god and that relationship is very important because as I m sure you know because you know you explained you have the Children or child as well You know that parenting has also been said to be very difficult as well And having god at the the of everything Sometimes when you don t understand your children or specifically your daughter you look for answers too Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 09 34 So it s not just us as daughters wanting all the answers like the Why does my dad understand Like he doesn t get it Mom but she gets it but dad just won t get it I really feel like you know god holds the answers to relationship building And a big part of relationship building is the communication piece I feel like that s where a lot of times daughters when they re the Being raised it s that communication piece It s why won t dad understand me or does dad understand me And then vice versa does my daughter understand what I m the because this one thing to say it it sounds good and and it does come off well but a lot of time there s a age gap as well where it s a disconnect We re still trying to be kids We re wanting to do what what s going on out in the world especially when you attend like public schooling Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 10 21 You re faced with different things every day and the It s tempting but god being the head and the center of everything is always what kinda draws you back to your roots the Which in the end goes based off of how you re raised you re teaching And so fast forward to now it s very eye opening because everything I do in my daily life it always the back to this one lesson that my dad taught me and it s to take charge And now when he first started saying this to me I think I was probably midway through college And every time I call them I m pumped I m in the mood I m in the the and I m like I m gonna go ahead here I m gonna kill this interview dad I got the job or what have you Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 11 01 And he s always like listen The I have nothing else to say Say your prayers you know talk to god about it and take charge So recently you know it really has been on my mind and I m like the What does it really mean to take charge You know And I just feel like as a as a as a female and you know as a woman and as a daughter the To me it s like owning the room that you re staying in Whatever room you enter into own the room Like the Like you don t even have to know my name but you should get the vibe of what I m about who I am and the value that I hold But so I think that a lot of times dads the They really bring that that foundational piece where it s like take charge Like I am who I am and I m owning the room well spoken Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 11 44 The Like you wouldn t even have to know my dad to know that I come from good raising just by speaking to me So that s just you know a little bit of of of basically just his teachings and how They started to affect me over the years into now as you know a woman Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 11 59 You know Chris can I just add to that I m fighting back the Tears right now So you re about to get some real tears I tell you just hearing that is what every parent wants to hear all the lessons that you ve given in life And what I have attempted to do not build a machine but and by god this is not excluding my wife But what I m saying is is that Doug What I have attempted to do is to lead by exam And what I mean what I mean by that is if they see And they ve seen me not use excuses for where I am and the conditions that I m in that can t work Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 12 36 Then if I show them that it s possible that and that s all it is So I started to say you know how we had that phrase think outside the box The Well every time I find those cliches I add to it So instead of thinking and and instead of me raising them to think outside the box I tell them to think beyond the outside of the box You see because thinking outside the box has a limitation because once you re outside the box you stop thinking So I want you to think beyond the outside of the box and then You create such a situation that you go from believing to knowing in God that it will work Now we re not Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 13 13 Not even talking about manifesting it but I I stick to if you create it in your mind and you see it in your mind You can do it and it happens And I ll I ll probably end up touching up on that a little bit more So even to hear her talk under and I ll I ll back off here but I didn t have that Great confidence I had like that in school even though I was popular playing sports and everything It wasn t until I got into the marine corps and got all around the world that I Had to build this up And so what I realized was that you can be very confident and very assured in yourself without being conceded and that s what I wanted to instill in them Dr Christopher Lewis 00 13 49 So Jaylah let s reflect back then How did your dad help you to find that confidence in your life You talked about that the In college it really kind of clicked But think back to as you were younger and you were growing up with your brothers what did Aqeel do to be able to help you to find that confident And I know it s not just Aqeel because I know your mother as well and I know that she is a part of the team But talk to me about what your dad did specifically to help you to find that confidence to be the person that you are today Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 14 21 I Can t honestly say I think it has a lot to do with the freedom of individualism Parents you guys talk a lot about the How it s different raising all of your children whether they re boys or girls is gonna be different for each one given being their personalities So I think the the Freedom to have whatever personality we chose was the biggest thing for me Like I was more so of you know I was the only girl I m the middle child the And I was just full of personality I m singing this day bouncing all across the house The next day I wanted to run outside and be with the boys and the I really think that it had a lot to do with giving us the freedom to experiment within our personalities Dies Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 15 05 And I didn t always get it right Even like I said growing up I started to have issues with my identity like just knowing who I was being confident in who I was The And I can say for females we experience a lot of that due to going to puberty a lot of things that Take effect going into our teenage years and then our young adult years A lot of it has to do with the Just the phases of becoming an adult And so my biggest thing was growing up went through this gap in this period of time where I was like okay The How do I become the young woman that I wanna be while also adhering to what god will want me to be what the My parents will be proud of Let s just be honest there as well Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 15 51 For me identity was a big thing and it was just there were days when I was waking up and I was just like I m just not seeing it The Like this can t be life This can t be what it s like to kinda go through the phases of growing up and understanding who you are and It took effect in my schooling It took effect at home and there were issues there But you know one thing about it is I think that the As parents and specifically having my dad around always since day 1 is that to feel like you re not left alone The I think that s the biggest thing for me Just having that male figure to know like your love your light that I m not gonna give up on you because it s very easy Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 16 29 I know Plenty of females who have dads but their dads aren t there I feel like not a lot of people talk about this When we talk about you may have a parent physically But are they there Are they hearing you Is there a connect So definitely freedom of individualism and that room to grow the room to make mistakes Learn from your mistakes Once you hit that age bracket where it s kinda like yeah dad can t tell you what to do Yeah But you know with the help of god god is is gonna shape you up and the Lead you to where you need to be and definitely give you some lessons when you re drifting off a little bit Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 17 04 So she said something very important It s always been a practice of mine that Not that I didn t care about them making mistakes The rule was I m not concerned about if you make mistakes as long as you can give me the The evidence of why you chose what you chose So that that gives them the freedom So if they if they did something and even It wasn t right I wanted to hear the plan to how they got there what made them what made them and have a reason behind what they did And that allowed them the freedom to discover the world and life but it also helped them start decision making Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 17 42 And then I was the crazy father knows best kid parent You know My thing was And then sometimes I would literally put it in their hands and let them choose the punishment and that worked And god blessed us with 3 beautiful children that Sometimes they even know if they said a punishment they go oh not That s not justified by what I did And so it worked that way And then I had to play a few marine corps games on them Sometimes I d storm through the house like I m about to tear everything to pieces and then that did it enough Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 18 13 And I just turn around and walk away and it leaves them thinking oh my god And the next time I m just quiet So you know it s to keep it all balanced because Again we have to raise our children in such a way that it also presents the world I didn t wanna be overboard I m sure they can probably name sometimes They probably thought I was overboard but If anything I ll say this in a back off again So much comes to mind But I always told our children and I even told my wife Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 18 37 I said listen And I know this is harsh But I d rather you hate me or dislike me for guiding you the right way than to love me for letting you do what you want to do And knowing that s not Dr Christopher Lewis 00 18 50 the best way I love that Now Jaylah as I said before your parents are both people that are involved in lots of different things They have tried lots of different things done lots of different things and I know that and I mentioned that already So I know that they have had a lot of dreams for themselves the A lot of dreams for you How did they instill in you to be a dreamer for the life that you want for your life Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 19 14 You know I feel like maybe that is the Probably the trickiest question you ve asked me in this whole time And I say that only because I do think that as the Time goes on we have to be honest that the world changes And the way that life is set up now is not how life used to be set up And I do think that now like for me specifically I have what they would call bigger dreams And like back then I m sure you guys can relate Back then you were just wanting to be something Like man I just gotta make I came up this way or I came up that way and all I wanna do is be successful Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 19 50 I need to have a good job to just be able to pay the bills and that s great But for me personally I the Honestly had bigger genes beyond my career and I always like to make sure that there s a big differentiation The Because what I do every day on the physical place that I go to which in my case would be the bank it s bigger than that And I have to even Darcy People at work Like you see me showing up I m gonna be punctual I m a be on time Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 20 15 I m gonna be here I m a be ready to work but let s not get it twisted There s more to Jaylah The So right now in my life I m really big on my influencer type of world and I have started now the Trending with these videos where I post you know where I m getting ready for work And I think you know the other day I was thinking and I said to myself No I said isn t that something that for someone else looking on the outside end they d see it as or I mean you re just making videos But for me I was It s actually deeper than this Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 20 42 Like I actually gotta wake up and be on time So for me I m like look at the lessons Look at those small lessons the that follow you You know And dad and you know my parents they ve always been big on show up on time It says a lot about you And let s be real No Every day we don t always we re not always perfect but it tells a lot about who you are and what you re about Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 21 04 And so I said It s also a form of discipline So there s something that I really want beyond just my career that has a lot to do with the Renewal my state Then it s very much possible that one day I can actually be in business for myself whether that s a company whether that s the Getting myself paid directly without there being a middleman So those are my bigger dreams Right now in my life as I approach 25 the I m very well focused on using my corporate job to get me to where I need to be from the individual standpoint And As you can see for yourself that s what my parents are about as well Everything that they do they wanna be impactful but it s also it s them acting as an influencer Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 21 45 People sometimes attach to you based off of how you influence others So you have the option You can be a bad influence instead of influence others the Or you can choose to be a great influencer and be of something worth value Dr Christopher Lewis 00 21 57 And Aqeel I guess as you hear that and you think about what the Intentionally you did to try to help your kids to realize those dreams Talk to me about that What did you try to do On a daily basis on an annual basis on a yearly basis or just in a day to day life to help your kids to be able to the Push them to think about those dreams in different ways Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 22 19 So one of the things I did I actually had a historical African American book set that I actually purchased that probably about no 3 or 4 years prior to even our 1st child born And then each year I just build on top of that So the children were And when I say required it was not the required where it was like mandatory You have to read it by this time It was that I always put a book in their hand And it wasn t always like a African American history but I m very big on our culture very big on self improvement And so the other thing is having world knowledge I developed this thing too that wherever I go I always read something Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 22 59 You don t have to read it all But you just read There are a lot of signs and pictures around You just read it If you just read 3 sentences off maybe like 3 or 4 sentences off of it and move on You d be surprised how much knowledge you re you re gathering And so and with each child just talking about our oldest son the other day And so with that including Jayla so No Our oldest son it clicked for him Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 23 21 He got cut from the middle school basketball team in like 7th grade So 1st time we ve had what they would call a failure And so but when he came out I was like oh my god Lord I am not prepared for this And so when he got in I could see it all on his face so I had to quickly come up with something And what God gave me was I asked him I said is there anything that you think that No Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 23 42 You could have done better And he just turned to me and he was like well yeah I mean I I guess I coulda worked on this And then I just simply said No Maybe that s it Maybe that s the reason you didn t make the team And something so small when I tell you that it No His life in such a positive way that this kid never stayed in the house again Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 24 02 He was always out doing it Now kinesiology major he s a fitness He s a influencer He started his own business and we were talking about this the other day He said that moment he told me he said that moment No Really defined everything With Jaylah it was the same thing Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 24 19 She talked about her identity Well oh this was hard because Even with Jaylah you talk about we moved from North Carolina to Michigan She had only spent like 3 days in high school as a freshman No And then we moved here So she went from a class of about or school for about like 300 to 400 kids and walked into eastern with about no 1700 kids and she shut down And I gotta say this So then she wanted to transfer And the very school that she wanted to transfer to No Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 24 49 Only being here a week ended up having a shooting And then she said no I wanna stay at Easter And so we just had to keep working with her and then instilling to her No You are beautiful And believe it or not when you look at her now to whomever s looking at her she struggled wondering was she beautiful enough compared to a lot of her friends And just having that confidence and and that was it So it was like take charge No Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 25 12 You are who you are You re more than what you think you are Take your eyes off other people And then the other thing is is that we want you to have a multiplicity of friends We re not just locking down to one culture 1 race 1 nationality the influence And so all of our children I I guess that s us and them No Have that ability to connect to a multiplicity of people And she has the personality like me Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 25 39 She can walk into a field and somebody would think No That she was talking to a scarecrow and she d be talking to the ears of corn And so that is the thing Even down to our youngest son he s a very factual person So if you say no It s only 2 left He s like no It s actually 2 13 Dr Christopher Lewis 00 25 57 Now Jaylah you heard your dad just talk about the fact that the You know you tried to build your self confidence in the in the self confidence of both your brothers And I hear that a lot the from other fathers that and I see it in my own daughters that today it seems like the the The self confidence of a lot of daughters but also the whether it s social media or other factors are the Definitely are making an impact on the self confidence that they have about themselves As a influencer influencer yourself the someone that has moved on with your life and have found some more of that self confidence for yourself What do you say to other dads the About this about how they can best instill that self confidence in their daughters Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 26 47 So I would say first and foremost understanding that it can t just the be you The daughter s confidence is not gonna just come from you solely And I do believe that it s healthy actually the For a lot of dads not to feel attacked when they do tell their daughters that they re beautiful and their daughters just don t see it The Let s just be honest There will be many days where you know dads just just glorify You are so beautiful Oh my god You re so smart Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 27 16 The You re this and your dad is like but that s not what the world s telling me If I m that well why am I not runner-up You know And I think that It s important to again to understand it Like let take me inside of your world and allow me to the See what you see as my daughter And let s just be honest Sometimes you gotta disassociate the father and daughter thing Because even for you guys as a dad it s the Easy for me to sit here and say you know dad you ve been the best dad ever Like dad you re so awesome And you know for what my dad does in acting it s like the Imagine him going in in in in trying out or auditioning for the top dad role Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 27 54 The Let s just say he s everything He s awesome And I m telling him dad you got that Yo You got it dad Trust me There there is no dad talking you dad The And then he goes in and they re just like not quite Something s just not you know to him it s like the Hey Well my daughter s telling I m the best dad It don t get no better than me But let s just be honest There s there s these self the tick boxes that we tend to check as individuals even And so it does come with The mentality and the self confidence So it is about self at the end of the day Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 28 31 And there are things that dads can do the with words of affirmation and actions of affirmation So that is the biggest thing Actions of affirmation conquers all of the Them You know words sometimes feel good make us feel good but actions are even better So as as daughters we don t always wanna the You know here that we re beautiful you know we wanna see it You know We wanna see it Like what does that mean to To to tell a daughter that she s beautiful what do you see You know And for me I feel like even too now in adulthood I find the best value in understanding also the things that I don t do well because I feel like that s honest That s where that truth Dom Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 29 15 Comes from so my dad will tell you all the time like you know if if if he gets on video chat with me or if he gets on FaceTime with me And I m just not having a good day I had rolled out of bed I hadn t combed my hair or anything He s looking at me like okay What s going on What is going on This is not my daughter The And for me it s just you know I just understand that that means like he sees me He knows enough about me to know the When I m having a bad day when something just isn t there and then he can go in and provide that reassurance Like you know you re doing it well Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 29 47 You re doing things right The You know it s just something that comes with with life So like I said before 1st and foremost understanding that the You guys dads don t always have all the answers Everything s not gonna be perfect You can t just you know say a thing or two and make it all better Just just the process Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 30 05 That was amazing because Chris what I heard there and what I wanted to say and it oh my gracious It prompted Domino s Is to understand that these things that she talked about make us great dads So if we didn t have the if we didn t have the shy daughter we didn t have the Going daughter We didn t have the trouble daughter We didn t have this type of daughter We didn t have this How would we grow With the boys we sorta got that Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 30 27 Not that we have it all down pat but no It s more relate With the girls the girls are like mini wives I know this is about dads and daughters but I think about my wife It s something that my wife tells them too And she ll she ll tell me And she ll just simply say Jaylah what I always say And what does mama always say And who s gonna tell you that it s not work Who s gonna tell you that it don t look good And it s a mentality that you take on And so seeing her just going at it and going after not just something no But naming it and going after it that make it s more than just proud It lets us know that they are really coming into their own And that s the most beautiful thing It s not about whether you make multimillionaires or billionaires The value in it is the success Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 31 15 What they want to accomplish not with mom and dad And that was what we did even with schooling No You do not have to be around you Be around us when you go to school Get as far away as you want as long as they make plain as trains of automobiles we re good Dr Christopher Lewis 00 31 29 So true Now one of the things that I would love to hear from both of you is the In this relationship that you ve built over the years there are opportunities to be able to have things that the are unique to the 2 of you things that you share together that are important to the 2 of you What the Has been a favorite thing that the 2 of you share together that is unique to your relationship Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 31 55 So okay one of the things is our craziness No It s just something about when we get together we re gonna cut up It s just spontaneous I was just telling them we were just down from my mother s funeral in December And we were talking about I said wow I miss us not being able to just be in the kitchen and start singing you know because she loves to sing And honest to god I told her I I I remember telling her like this is some years ago This is before she even left home I told her I said you know you re my favorite singer And she thought I was joking but it s just something about when she sings It s like you re my favorite singer And in church a couple of weeks ago A lady visited and she sung Eyes on the Sparrow And that s the song that I love my daughter to sing But when I tell you just No Endless laughter It s like nobody s trying to be pretty Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 32 41 We re not trying to be framed up We develop a space to where we can really Be ourselves And I know that that s what we share but I love to see her strength I even love the pushback I shouldn t have told her that here live but I love the pushback because no It tells me again that she s growing and it also tells me that she does respect me because that s something that I Theo So my wife and I we don t want them to think like us or to be like us We want them to be way much better than us And so no It that that s the that s the thing Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 33 14 I just love the freedom to where we can be across the room and I could just look at it She look at me and we can just bust out laughing because we already know what the thought And Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 33 22 I ll add to that Like dad said you know it s personality I I know that you can agree to Christopher even with you know your daughter that the It it s a personality match thing Sometimes as parents I know you see a lot of you know yourselves and and your children So Domino s I think for us we just like I said we have just that down to earth relationship It s not always perfect because it s a learning the experience but it s definitely one of those things where my dad s gonna look back even in the next couple of years You know as I approach 30 that s the but it s gonna be interesting for them Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 33 57 It s gonna be fun growing experience And then even when I move on to have children the Oh it s definitely gonna be 10 times more interesting to see how my children take after the things that my parents have instilled Dom So I just think that as life goes on you you develop your own ways but you also still it s like you never detach the From the parenting skills that have shown in how you were raised by your parents Dr Christopher Lewis 00 34 23 Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you And usually it s just a dad but it s not gonna be just a dad this time We re gonna ask both of you some questions The So Jaylah I m gonna start with you In one word what is fatherhood Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 34 40 I ll say accountability That is a tough word It can be so harsh But I will say accountability And I feel like accountability only because if you relate it back to the real world the Accountability always reverts back to you as an individual How does what you produce or I should say your seed What does it reflect about you What does it tell about you What does it tell about the things that you do well What does it tell about the things that you the still need a little bit more help with And so no matter whether it s the good or whether it s the you know not so good it s a lesson in in itself and it s the Always that room for growth and development as long as you re willing to take accountability within that process In a queue Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 35 26 To my word normally I wouldn t use this word but with describing god and I m gonna say ubiquitous And that is to be Uniquely who you are all the time everywhere with the same power with the same authority and with the same strength Because Uniquely no matter what your family needs to see whom you are in all those situations So whether it s hard it s peaceful it s stress They need to know and I guess this goes back to the accountability part They need to know are you gonna stand on what you say you stand on Dr Christopher Lewis 00 36 02 Now Jaylah when was the time that you feel like your dad finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 36 08 So I will say A few years back gosh I would have been at that time feeling middle school I was in school and personality Right You know your kids the All of them And you know how they re different So you know what they re capable of what sounds like them and what doesn t sound like them And I ve always been a talker in class The Neither you know my brothers nor myself were the extreme disrespectful type so we wouldn t be at school the Disrespecting adults Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 36 35 That that s definitely not the case So this particular incident teacher calls dad specifically And it s just like in a huge uproar Like Jaylah is just she is just is not there She s being rude She s just saying things She s Noes Just clown and all She s acting like a pretty fool at school Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 36 57 And you know as much as I in my head I said to myself and I remember the Telling my friends and my other cousins that went to the same school as me I said it s over with now The teacher done spoke so my voice don t even count The When a teacher calls dad it s just gonna be the adult s word and I m just gonna sit over here in the corner and deal with the consequences But Ashley it actually didn t feel that way He showed up and again communication and understanding Dom He listened Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 37 24 And then he also gave me the opportunity to speak And for once I felt heard and I felt like my voice matters So it also gave me the opportunity the To be honest just let them know I just said hey This is the type of day that the Tisha was having The Tisha was actually very frustrated And based off what you taught me You taught me that if this is the case then this is what should happen And in so many words like he said what we would call in 2024 the He stood on business and he basically addressed the situation for what it was We raised Jaylah to first and foremost always respect her adults the But all actions can t necessarily be respected Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 38 04 Because if you teach your children and you raise your children the Follow underneath you know god s teaching and god s word We know that even adults like all adults don t follow that pathway We ve had especially nowadays in time where teachers come to school and they re frustrated they have realized and they bring those burdens to school as well And so that does affect sometimes how they incorporate that in education and being able to handle and deal with other people s children as well And so he just touched a little bit on that and just said that these are the expectations that when we send our children to school she s treated fairly She s treated equally The She s heard just as you would want your children to be heard And for once literally in in in my younger younger days of living in middle school I I felt heard and I just I enjoyed that part of his fatherhood and him being able to be there for me and and give me a voice Dr Christopher Lewis 00 38 55 And what about you Aqeel The What s the time that you feel like you finally succeeded as a father to a daughter Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 39 03 I can t name a no Specific time write off I m sure if you gave me a little bit more time but it it would be surrounding an incident just like this And so in other words when she when with the 1st or 2nd or 3rd time in a continuous behavior that she comes to me and has a conversation with me and she says dad I m thinking about doing this No I wanna do this I felt accomplished in because for your child and yes And I would go on the limb and say especially your daughter to feel Even if she even though she has a little nervousness that she felt that freedom and that comfort to know that she can come and talk to you about something And let s just say the hard topic Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 39 39 Our daughters with boyfriends and guys they may like to come and talk to us about why they make certain decisions why they may wanna make certain decisions And it was beautiful That was it And I think one other time is there maybe a b side to that Right before Jaylah graduated with her bachelor s Northwood She wanted a car I may never forget this and she ended up posting on Facebook probably a year before and I just happened to see the post So I pick up the phone and I call her Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 40 09 I go so what s going on It s like nothing daddy I said yeah So I saw this picture that you posted a car So what s going on The out of that came she had been looking for a car and I was like woah Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 40 25 Let s think about this And so we talked that out And lo and behold the very next year she still hadn t graduated But She told me she said dad well what she called me now and we had this various conversation What do you think about me buying a car now And I so I told her I said well listen This is what s happening I said If you save your money whatever you save I ll match and then we ll purchase a vehicle Well lo and behold I met a gentleman that you know went at the dealership No And anyway so through talking I talked to him a price range and everything and he said oh no problem Well the 1st car I sent No Somebody ended up buying or they didn t wanna sell it or something to sometime And anyway we found it again So I said well Jaylah I said oh I found one Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 41 04 Nice car It s clean No lights on anything And I said I m sure of this I said and here s the price And she says No Okay And I said well understand now Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 41 13 You gotta pay tags insurance I ll handle all of that stuff part for you but gotta have this So do you at least have half of this She says oh I m good I got that I said that didn t sound right I was like what do you mean you got that She was like oh I m good I got that I was like you mean you got the Half of that Or you say she s like no I got the whole thing Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 41 30 And I was like Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 41 31 Christopher I didn t blink Yeah That s it Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 41 34 Are you serious So yeah And so she literally bought And paid 4 in 4 her very first car And that was when I that was another level then that I realized No So we didn t know that the day we dropped her off at college that she also started working probably that same week And we didn t know that She kept that as a secret but I guess that business degree was really working Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 41 58 I will add to that really briefly as we wrap up It s very interesting because that was a very hard lesson in life and I think this is really gonna wrap up our conversation surrounding dads with daughters and just fatherhood as the As a whole is that I contemplated this so much because the rule of thumb was always you re not gonna get a job you re the You re gonna focus on studies what have you And I sat in that room all night long and I said I gotta get a job I gotta get a job I can t do it I gotta get this job And so I said to myself I said I would be being rebellious because I would be getting a job with Doubt Saying anything and doing it even though I know that that wasn t the expectation Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 42 43 But I said to myself I said how cool will it be to prove the My parents wrong but also right at the same time And just to touch base on that the idea is that you know hey You know it gets the be overwhelmed And when you work a job and you go to school at the same time people typically don t do well But I think that just showed how cool your specific children are when they are able to conquer that So I remember I finished that semester and the only thing I brought up was grades And I say you know what s gonna be interesting the It s to not only show them that I got the grades but how I got the grades that I was working full time would say that Dom Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 43 20 It was honestly like a cool experience for me because for once in my life I got a chance to prove that yes I get this was the plan But you know I can be trusted Like I can work hard That discipline is definitely to come That won t be the the the first and last time that I may have to kinda like go a little bit around the parents but in life that s just how things end up sometimes You don t expect the You know your children are go certain paths even like I said for the oldest even dad will tell you is just that we don t always go the route the that you think we re gonna end up going But either way we come out on top and success And that right there she that in a nutshell that was exactly it So allowing them the space to grow to use their ingenuity that s exactly what we taught them So it was it s beautiful to know that was it That s another level of showing that oh they really got it They really understand the assignment Dr Christopher Lewis 00 44 16 Now Jaylah if I was to talk to you and your brothers How would you guys all describe your dad Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 44 21 I would actually say disciplined but meaningful slash the Purposeful And just a little bit on that I say strict slash discipline because his teachings they seem harsh at first The Sometimes they seem a little way out there and over you know over the top They do they it does seem extreme But I can honestly say it s so funny how it always comes full circle and it has a deeper purpose behind it And you know the oldest he has become just this scientifically factual person just as well as the youngest And for myself I m kinda in the middle Like I m not the You know too big on the facts and the scientific behind it but after I found I finished my master s of science degree it really taught me how to look at things the or what they are in terms of experiment And as you know when you conduct the experiments there s always these findings Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 45 14 So why this calls this And I think that just goes back to what you put in is a big result of what you get out So a lot of the things that he has instilled in us has developed and got it a lot of what we put into things At full cycle sure enough it comes back the great results that we have seen to get throughout the journey of what we ve been pursuing Dr Christopher Lewis 00 45 40 The Now Aqeel who inspires you to be a better dad Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 45 42 Life has just really done that Having grown up the oldest of 2 children you know I say these people they start laughing because No Know my story Well my children do it I just say and my wife And I say my biological parents they separated and divorced when I was 6 or 7 years old And I watched my mom do it And my mom would literally go to work and survive off of Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 46 04 Was it 25 35 nabs and a soda And I never knew that for all my life but she always made sure we had But she the one thing that she always said she told my sister and I she says don t ever let me hear you say you hate your dad because No She said your father She says regardless of what happens between us your father is still your father and that reigned with me through my life And so it has always been with me because psychology tells you that you re basically No Gonna be like your parent or the guy s gonna the man is gonna be like your father And my father has some strongholds and I didn t partake in those No Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 46 47 And I remember being older maybe about in my thirties and there was another psychologist who was taking we were in academy and he said this And I rebelled I said that s not true I said I don t smoke I don t drink and I have a great relationship with my family So I said Dom That s not always true So who inspires me to be better My family Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 47 10 The last thing I wanna do is fill my family wife included Dr Christopher Lewis 00 47 15 Now you both have given a lot of pieces of advice today a lot of things that have helped both of you in the journeys that you ve been on together Jaylah as we finish up today what s 1 piece of advice you d wanna give to every dad Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 47 27 Be you And I would say to be you because there s nothing worse than the A dad getting frustrated because he can t feel another dad s shoes When you trust the process and you you learn to be the dad that You re supposed to be Everything works out in the end I feel like a lot of fathers go wrong when you know they follow that the Society s idea of I m gonna be the number 1 dad number 1 super dad It s always it s been like that for years There s always been that You know that box where there s like dads have to be perfect Like I ve gotta be perfect dad Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 48 04 I ve gotta be the dad that s just super nice and sweet all the time I can t say anything I can t discipline I just gotta be perfect I ve gotta be light And my dad touched on that a little a little bit earlier too is is You know you don t always wanna be the dad that s liked because I almost wanna bet you that you re probably not gonna get the best results always being the dad that s liked So yeah to just be you Haniqeel Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 48 26 I think it goes just in those 2 words I think when we look at that and I m sure you can relate to this the Just in hearing dad versus your child or your daughter saying this is my father it does something right here in in in your the spirit right in your heart because a father is everything that we ve talked about in this interview That s not a dad And so as Jaylah just said no I ve never attempted to be like another man I always think Beyond the outside of the box And I wanna make the mold for myself and everybody s position is unique Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 49 04 And so I wanna be uniquely me and improve on me daily and so I Do Continue to develop ways to better myself and my family And so still to this day what I do periodically is No I send them self improvement messages as well and affirmation I still send those out So the way that my that my mother always said she No Despite how old you get you re gonna always be my baby Dr Christopher Lewis 00 49 33 Now Jaylah I know you mentioned that you are becoming a social influencer You re doing things out there People get to know you in different ways outside of the work that you re doing at the bank As we finish up today if people wanna find out more about you where should they go Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 49 46 Yes So please follow me on Instagram at jaylah iman the Well you ll also find out that I am a full time photographer as well and I do the Travel occasionally as well for my very own business Lady J productions and then you can also find me on TikTok at jaylah dot Iman as well Thanks for having me Dr Christopher Lewis 00 50 11 Thank you for being here And Aqeel as I said before you re busy You re out there If people wanna find out more about you where s the best place Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 50 18 And please forgive me I don t wanna sound over the top I really just learned this from a couple of fans Google me I think everything pops up That s so crazy to even do that It s I and so I literally had to do that one day I googled myself and I m like oh my god Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 50 34 But yes Google me Aqeel T Ash-Shakoor or Aqeel Ash-Shakoor on Facebook Again Aqeel Ash-Shakoor Instagram Aqeel the actor YouTube again Aqeel Ash-Shakoor And my background is not showing now but Empowered Minds I do a lot of Again self improvement videos to spiritual videos as well Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 50 55 So yes And don t wanna plug but Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 50 57 Catch him on TV Grab your popcorn Grab the guys Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 51 02 Been blessed to be a recognizable face on the Law and Order SVU and Quite a few other to dig with projects and some movies and on television And something that I d really just found out I didn t know that I m actually presented as one of the No When they do the Peacock advertisement for the shows and someone s telling me he s like I see you every day I was like impossible No boy He s like no I see you every day Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 51 27 And I was like really It s like wow So that s an that s an honor within itself Small town country boy that made an affirmation at 9 years old to his baby sister that one day this is what I would do And that s what has been instilling in my family that we do And my daughter bless she did bless me about a couple of weeks ago I read a post And I confirmed it with her and she said in the post I just saw it and it brought me to tears I didn t tell her that part Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 51 57 But She says my father made legends And what else can you say I m a blessed husband and father Dr Christopher Lewis 00 52 04 Well Aqeel well Jaylah I just wanna say thank you Thank you for being here for telling your story for being raw and open about the journey that you ve been on and I wish you both the best Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 52 15 No Thank you so Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 52 16 Yes Thanks for having us Christopher Thank you Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 52 18 And for your fans Christopher I want them to know that this wasn t just No A pop up I ve appreciated you ever since learning of you and knowing you for years as my wife Tanisha was in Thomas Cooleyham Law School No And you ve always been a familiar face and always a pleasant person to talk to And back then it was also go lug nuts Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 52 42 No Yes Jaylah Ash-Shakoor 00 52 43 That s it Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 52 43 So yeah Yeah You you ve always been special in our lives too so no Thank you Thank you ever so much And for my 1st interview I think I did that with dad with sons Some time ago we did an article So I I I applaud the work that you re doing And and if I could be of help please give me a call Aqeel Ash-Shakoor 00 53 01 Thank you sir Dr Christopher Lewis 00 53 03 If you ve enjoyed today s episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider The fatherhood the insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood The Through our extensive course library interactive forum step by step road maps and more you will engage and learn with experts the But more importantly dads like you So check it out at fathering together daughter Of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community there s a link in the notes today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together The We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be Dr Christopher Lewis 00 54 01 We re all in the same boat and it s the Full of tiny screaming passengers We spend the time Them We give the lessons We make the meals We buy them presents and bring the AK because those kids are growing fast The time goes the just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen the Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to Them Be the best dad you can be Click here to visit this podcast episode

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